Uludag mountain, “The Shining”, thinking about Istanbul and a funny encounter with the Turkish bureaucracy (November 2022)

From Istanbul, I went south to the region of Uludag mountain. I had loved Uludag lemonade for some time in my life, but that was not the reason for me to go there. Although, if there had been a waterfall of that stuff, I think I would have given it a try.

After visiting Istanbul, I felt like taking some time to unwind in nature and go hiking. When I reached the highest point that I was allowed to go with Rosinante, it felt pretty strange because that area was mainly characterized by large hotels. These hotels were closed for the winter season and when I was there, there were hardly any other people around. But I found a nice place to stay, and the next morning, I drove Rosinante to one of the hotels to ask if I could park her there while I went hiking. I met a nice guy and we talked about living in the hotel, the differences between the summer and winter seasons, and so on. During the conversation, I couldn’t help but be reminded several times of Stephen King’s novel “The Shining.” Not that the guy seemed to be a big fan of smashing doors and people’s heads with an axe. It was just the scenery and his description of the boredom and loneliness he felt, especially during the summer when there were hardly any people around, that made me think of “The Shining.” I guessed.

I hiked up the Uludag mountain and the feeling of just going up and up was amazing and liberating. The layer of clouds separating heaven from earth looked like a fluffy but dense bed. Seeing that dense layer of clouds below and the bright sun above me reminded me of the saying “no matter what, there is always light, but sometimes you just can’t see it.” I couldn’t help but wonder what it would be like to be under that cloud layer at that moment.

I reflected on what had been going on with me in Istanbul, and it was very interesting. By the end of my time in Istanbul, I had been feeling disoriented, confused, and kind of frustrated. I talked to a very good friend and she said that for her, cities are always about connecting to other people. And that made me think. At some point in Istanbul, I had felt like I didn’t belong there. Not in the city and not to the people there. I had talked with a lot of people, but I hadn’t really connected with them in a deep way. I had felt like a foreign body in an organism, like I wasn’t a part of the rest. I had let that make me feel uncertain about a lot of things and that had led me to think a lot. Being on that mountain helped me understand that I was disappointed about not connecting in a deep way to others during my time in Istanbul. Somehow my expectations had not been met and that had made me feel bad. I seemed to be unable to let go of these expectations and accepting that I could not let go as well. As I’m writing this, I feel different about all of that, but at that time, understanding this through thinking made me feel calm and positive. I felt like I understood myself again and that everything was perfectly fine.

When I got back to Rosinante, I felt hungry and tired, and I just wanted to find a place to stay for the night, eat, and relax. When I found a really cool spot, a car of the mountain rangers approached. I went to the two rangers and we talked via Google Translate about the beauty of the mountains and the wild animals. Then they said that I was not allowed to stay overnight in the national park. For me, that felt like it couldn’t be right because there were official camp sites. I asked if I could stay at that specific spot where we were standing at that moment, which was located in one of the official camps. They said I needed permission to do that. I asked if they could give me the permission, they made a phone call and told me that only managers could give me the required permission. So I asked where I could find a manager, and they said that both of them were managers. I felt a little confused about how this interaction went along and I felt my tiredness, but it was funny as well, and I was curious about where this may lead. I asked if they would give me the permission, and they made another phone call. After that, they said I would have to pay for staying overnight, and I told them I would be happy doing that. They asked me to pay via bank transfer. In Germany, a bank transfer takes hours or days to complete, so I was a bit confused and told them that I only had German bank accounts, and that an international transfer would take time. I asked if I could pay in cash, and then they asked me to follow their car to the headquarters, so we drove about thirty minutes to their headquarters. After getting there, I waited and got some tea. I explained to some police officers hanging around the waiting area that I wanted to stay for one night in the park and they told me several times that I would not be allowed to leave the car after sunset because there would be dangerous wild animals. After some time, the friendly managers brought me to the director’s office. I explained that I would like to stay one night at the spot I had found earlier. The director was friendly and approved of that. One of the managers gave me a form that I filled out, and then he asked me to pay via bank transfer again. I felt more tired, but I was still curious, and the whole process started to feel hilarious. I started to enter their bank account details into my Revolut app because I thought that one may be able to send the money way faster than my German bank. But they had no BIC code. Without the BIC code, transferring the money was not possible. The manager started to get frustrated and left me on the waiting couch again. I got tea, talked to some rangers and police officers, and waited. Some other rangers and police officers told me that I would not be allowed to leave my car after sunset again. And they told me that I was not allowed to go hiking without asking for permission. I felt reminded about the German bureaucracy. But there was one big difference: these Turkish guys were very friendly and helpful. After a pretty long time, the manager came back and took me back into the director’s office again. There I explained what I would like to do again: sleeping one night in Rosinante at that spot I had found. He filled out another form. I paid 25tl (about 2€) in cash, got a receipt, and after two hours, I was good to go. Easy.

Beglika part two: Connections, projections, anxieties, and something unique (August 2022)

The time at the Beglika festival was wonderful. All the people I met were nice, friendly, and peaceful. Maybe there were about one thousand guests at the festival at one point but at that location, it never felt crowded or like a mass event. It felt always natural. Like a good, healthy time with gorgeous people, and nice music in nature.

During that time some topics came up inside me. I observed how my thoughts were questioning things that I was doing. If it was alright to do this or to not do that. It was a profound experience. First, it made me become insecure. I felt these ongoing commentaries of my thoughts and gave attention to them. Shortly after that, I felt like I was accepting these thoughts in a new and profound way and that felt deep and healthy. I felt more authentic.

I did different workshops and went to concerts and it was everything I hoped it would be. The concerts were all super nice and very direct/ without any barriers. The whole organization of this festival was just free. It was totally different than the German festivals (even the smaller ones) I used to know. Basically, you could just do whatever you wanted. And I did not feel any form of aggression during the whole time. People were under the influence of different kinds but never in a very unhealthy, uncontrolled way.

The people did love to spin burning sticks, staffs, Pois, and all sorts of things. I liked that a lot as well and it was strongly connected to my bo staff spinning and striking. After my first experience with burning pois, I gave the burning staff a chance and I loved it a lot.

One evening it took part in a temazcal ceremony. That one was a special experience as well. If you ever come across something like that, consider giving it a try. For me, it was very hot and refreshing, sweaty and cleaning, tight and opening.

The weather was changing all the time. At night it was around 10 to 15 degrees Celcius and in the daytime, it could be anything from 15 to 22 degrees. There were wind, rain, hail, and sun. Everything. These changes, the location, the all-present feel of freedom, and the people made this time so special and just beautiful. Magical. And still, there were people I connected more with than with others. I suppose that will always be the case.

The family I had met at the big lake came at the start of the festival and we continued having a nice time together. We had great conversations about everything and playing with the kids was always pure fun. I hope that I will meet them again at some point. I did not often meet a family that was so lovely, good willing, and open to each other.

I meet so many nice people… When I did have my first contact with a guy who was training spinning a staff, I deeply experienced how I was projecting things from deep inside of me onto other people. I asked him about the spin he was practicing and immediately I was feeling something going on. Something negative, insecure. Something I was rejecting. I kept being friendly and open and after some time that feeling ceased and we did connect and learned from each other. After that encounter, it really came to me how I was rejecting what I was receiving from him because I did not want to be part of me. It was profound and changed something deep inside of me.

One day, I was training spinning my bo staff at the beach when a Bulgarian woman came along. At first glance, I felt something deep. A connection, a warmth. We started a conversation and these feelings increased a lot. Artha and I never arranged a meeting, but we met a lot of times. Every time we met, we had beautiful conversations. Every time I felt something unique, authentic, and pure. I felt seen and a strong pull towards her, but at the same time, I did not want to rush anything. I wanted to feel and observe it. But the connection between us was ubiquitous. Strong and profound. When Artha was about to leave Beglika before its ending to head for a spiritual workshop at another place, we exchanged numbers…