After our gorgeous days at the beach, I brought Artha back to Varna and headed north along the coastline of Bulgaria. At the Beglika festival, I got some recommendations for nice spots at the beaches and so I started exploring. Like most of the time, I had no plans but a rough direction. But this time it was different. I felt like I did not want to go so far away from Varna. I guess, at that time, I would never have gone south to Turkey and left Bulgaria.
I found a very nice beach of seashells. The whole beach was covered with seashells! I never had seen something like this before and found it interesting. In one direction was a long cliff perfect for walking and after one kilometer in the other direction a small boardwalk started. I had calm walks, some french fries and enjoyed my time there a lot.
One day a French family arrived and after getting to know each other, we spent some evenings together. We talked about life in cars, France, Germany, Bulgaria, freedom, music, and everything else. the father used to play the guitar and his wife and daughter were singing along. They gave me a little concert once and I loved it. I told them that they really should practice playing and singing the theme song of the movie “The Last Unicorn”. Mhhh. I’ll ask them if they did. They just wrote me, that they found a good old truck in France and will now start to convert it into a home and go to Marocco next year.
Making a lot of electronic music on my iPad I more and more thought about getting a real acoustic instrument. I had been thinking about that for a long time but for some weeks the feeling grew stronger. Maybe a Handpan, a flute, a keyboard, or a Didgeridoo?
During that time, I felt something had changed inside of me. Of course, everything is always changing. But, you know, sometimes it just feels like something changed and is different now. From my perspective right now as I’m writing this, I have different feelings about it than the ones I had back there at the seashell beach. Back there, I felt like something big and heavy got lifted off my shoulders. And without that heavy thing, I profoundly experienced that there is unconditional love. And with that, I mean real unconditional love. The love, one can feel for someone else without any expectations, without any doubt, without limits. Studying a lot of Buddhism, the idea/ the descriptions were very familiar to me, but it felt like I did not let this unconditional love I was always feeling for certain people because with it would come a burden. The burden of having to feel that love forever and the burden to show and deliver it constantly. It’s crazy to describe and in a way it does not make logical sense, I guess. But what is the logical sense when it comes to feelings? And especially when it comes to love?
This change inside of me opened and brightened my heart. I don’t know how that time with Artha at that lonely beach contributed to that change, but I’ll be forever deeply thankful for it to have happened. Or maybe it did not happen that time. Right now, I feel like this opening of myself for feeling and living pure love and compassion is happening all the time but at the seashell beach I just really recognized it. Experienced it.
I had profound and honest conversations with my best friends back in Germany and step by step I opened up more and more. I let go of fears about expectations and burdens and made myself vulnerable by telling them that I indeed love them.
In one of my last posts, I wrote about the time I had together with my friend Michele. In that post, I wrote that I love him. Before the opening that I’m trying to describe here, I would not have written that. I would have felt like I can’t do that because it would force me to feel and show that unconditional, limitless love forever.
The most profound conversations I had with Cori. I can’t remember that I had such honest, pure, profound, and loveful conversations in my life. We got to know and love each other back in Germany and always had a joyful, loveful, compassioned, and deep time together. Before I left Germany, we traveled a little bit together and she visited me back in Greece. That time in Greece was partly very exhausting and challenging for me. You can read about it in the older posts. Later, in July and August, I felt a distance growing between Cori and me. At the seashell beach, I experienced the love between us in a very different way. I felt how unconditional and pure it was. That it did not know any measurement of distance. Cori had experienced that for a long time like that. I just felt like I opened myself and allowed myself to feel it. To take it from her and let myself feel it for her in a pure way that does not need any explanation.
