Tag: evia

There is no love left

At the beginning of May 2022, Cori and I continued our way around the island Evia (aka Euboea) in Greece. We took the route on the west coast and found a wonderful, remote beach to call home for the next few days.

Before we left our last paradise to find this beach, we had a conversation that left me hurt, angry and disillusioned. I had been very confident with myself and felt very clear and loveful about our relationship and how we were together after months of not seeing each other. I felt like I could see and take her as the person she is. For me, it felt more true, deep, and real.

Cori on the other hand, told me, that she was uncertain about topics I was very certain about. At the beginning of our conversation, I managed to perceive her feelings and thoughts as hers and not to take them as mine. I think, I even managed to communicate clearly how I felt and what my perspectives were like.

After we spoke, a deep uncertainty hit me with full force. It felt like I took her uncertainty and blamed her for that. I got mad about her bringing up this conversation, me failing to find a healthy way of dealing with it, and the whole universe for being like it is.

We still had not a bad time. We didn’t fight or argued. But I just felt hurt and wasn’t able to feel what was going on with me. I saw no escape route from a black hole full of whirling emotions I couldn’t accept or communicate understandably. It felt like a part of me wanted to find the cause for my misery in Cori and blame her offensively. But I knew that she wasn’t to blame and that it was just my ego going wild. Honestly, at that time, I felt like there is no love left in me. Neither for Cori, the world nor me.

This state of mind colored everything we did with a dark veil that prevented me from really enjoying and being positive. Even playing mini golf on a self-build course Cori built at the beach, could not lift my mind. I had so many thoughts about uncertainties like I didn’t have for years. I was so desperate that I even tried to break free by listening to crazy shitty 90s songs and singing/ screaming along.

One day, we continued our journey and drove to the end of the world. We screamed against the sea and the wind but even that left my mind, the sea and the wind very unimpressed.

Still, I felt mad, hurt, and desperate.

To be continued…

Together in paradise with Cori a very special friend

At the end of April 2022, I picked up a very special friend from the Athens Airport: Cori.

We got to know each other back in Hamburg, Germany at the end of August 2021, and from the first time we’ve met, we have a very special relationship. Our first conversation had been very interesting and intense. I think we are sharing much of the same values and a strong interest in a personal and spiritual development that leads to a more natural, healthy, and lighthearted life. This had brought us together in a wonderful and loveful spiritual, intellectual, and sexual way. In addition to that, our relationship is her and my first non-exclusive romantic and sexual. And what is more, it has been certain that I will start my potential never-ending worldwide nomadic life when we got to know each other.

So, you see, I would say it’s a very interesting relationship we share and until now, I’ve already learned so much and had so many wonderful experiences, that I would never exchange for anything.

For the last few years, I had the feeling that relationships could be more free, natural, and healthy than the romantic relationships of my past. I don’t know if non-exclusive relationships are just a way for me to not confront myself with topics I’m avoiding subconsciously, but for me, this way feels just better. Not because I want to have sex with many different people nor because I don’t care much for other people nor because I’m not able to love. Instead of this, for me, it feels mostly more honest and natural. “Honest”, because everything is ever-changing and why shouldn’t our existing relationships and the new ones we are creating be free to change into whatever feels right for all involved? For me, this way feels more natural, less demanding, less consensual, and encroaching. Not like I’m perceiving the stereotype of sexual romantic relationships that is proclaimed so often in a lot of influences surrounding us and our cultural heritage.

At the end of April 2022, Cori and I had not seen each other for about four months and it was wonderful to finally meet her again and feel her warm, playful, and wonderful soul and body. We left Athens as quickly as possible and headed for the big island Evia (also known as Euboea). On Evia, we drove the west coast south because I guessed, that especially the south of Evia is super nice and lonely. On our way to the south, we found this little paradise you see in the video. We spent a couple of days there and had a lot of fun hanging around in the sun, in the hammock, swimming, running, slacklining, talking, cooking, and a lot more. I felt really good, satisfied and like the things I’ve learnt in the last months really add something to my relationship with Cori. For the first time, I had the feeling that I was able to see and feel her mostly as the person she was instead of seeing and feeling what I wanted her to be.

Then one day, we had a conversation that I let myself affect in one of the most mentally challenging ways, I’ve ever experienced.

To be continued…